I'm A Shepherd

Our church's Children's Pastor is also in charge of all of our dramas. He is responsbile for dinner theater, dessert theater, skits during our services, illusion shows and Tree of Life's Annual Christmas program. Year after year Don waits until the last minute to recruit actors and year after year I publicly proclaim that he will be unable to recruit me and year after year I find myself on stage as Joseph or a friend of Joseph's or someone in a crowd scene or someone leading someone to Jesus. I always say that I will never do it again, yet I always do it.

My resolve to never act for Don is not because Don is a jerk. He is not a jerk. He is a godly man. My wife loves him and acts in every single thing he does and she even helps lead worship in the children's ministry. My kids love Don. They think of him as their pastor. He is a good man. He is a kind man. He is a persistent man. He is a determined man. He is the human version of one of those raptors from Jurassic Park. He gets you in his sights and he approaches you with tunnel vision. When he talks to you his eyes begin to swirl like that hypnotic snake Kaa from The Jungle Book. He asks you to help in a way that you cannot deny and before you know it... you're backstage, tying on a headband and making sure you don't trip over your robe as you practice your lines.

I'm not a good actor. I worry about acting. I worry about performing. These plays traumatize me as I practice my lines throughout the day and as I picture in my mind where I am supposed to stand and when I am supposed to come out. I become obsessed with not messing up and I worry myself to the verge of ending up in the fetal position in a deserted choir room at the back of the church... And when its over I publicly proclaim that I will never act again.

Last night at church I began to breathe easy. We are three days away from the performance and I haven't been asked about being an actor. I'm safe. Aaaaahhhh...

I began to plan in my mind where I would sit in the audience. Who I would sit with. I even pictured myself relaxing in our church's comfortable chairs as I watched the performance. I might even smuggle in some eggnog and sugar cookies. It would be a peaceful Christmas without practices and costumes and...

My musings were interrupted by the intense feeling in my spine that someone was watching me. I looked around and saw no one. I began to breathe easy again but I suddenly noticed a movement in the crowd to my left. More movement. The crowd parted. And there he was. Pastor Don. Staring at me. Moving towards me. He was holding a clipboard and his eyes were burning into me like an infrared light.

I began to walk backwards. He walked faster. I counted the paces to the media booth. My friend Joe was in there and I was quite certain he would grant me sanctuary. I made a break for it but my legs felt like they were in quicksand. I was moving slower and slower and Don was moving faster and faster. He outweighs me by at least a hundred pounds but he is gaining on me. I stop and I face the inevitable. I am prepared to debate my way out of this. What follows is as accurate a transcript of my conversation with Don as possible.

Don: Hello Jason.
Jason: Hello Don. How are you?
Don: Not good Jason. Not good at all.
Jason: Oh? I'm sorry to hear that. Is there something I can do to help?
Don: Yes Jason. You can agree to be a shepherd in the Christmas play.
{Jason clears his throat and produces the following brilliant response to Don's plea}
Jason: Okay.

My first practice is tonight. I'll be standing with the sheep.